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Divorce- Will Your Dog Come Off Worse?
By David the Dogman
Divorce is a sad fact of life. These human problems can cause stress to dogs. A dog is a social animal
bonded to a family routine and a way of life, that relies on us for their mental, physical and emotional
welfare. Dogs of course are frequently denied consideration when it comes to difficulties in relationships.
When couples shout and argue with each other this will indeed affect the dog ( and also the cat). Our
blacker mood's and tantrums will have an adverse effect on our pet dog. Nervous behaviour is often
caused by the owners actions.
Whenever I Am called to a home where owners have a howling, barking, destructive, digging house
soiling or one showing symptoms of an anxiety related behaviour, where it is apparent that the dog has
an inability to cope with life, I always ask if there has been a death, separation or indeed a divorce which
could have triggered the problems as this behaviour is a typical expressions of canine anxiety.
Another extreme behaviour pattern I Have observed is dogs going to the bottom of the garden, and
staying close to walls which is often seen when a dogs instinct tells it that it is dying. In the wild dogs
leave their packs and go away to die. I always ask the owner of the house if there are any known medical
problem, if none are known and a separation has taken place then these behaviour patterns must be
considered as an expression of extreme canine anxiety.
CREATURES OF HABIT
Dogs are creatures of habit and function to our timetable -wake-up time, meal time, bedtime, playtime,
etc. Some dogs find it harder to accept a change of routine than others and especially hard for the older
dog, who more often than not will go rapidly downhill when faced with the upheaval that accompanies
divorce.
Our pet dog is a social animal, and a silent watcher, who is able to pick up our vibrations, any change in
its schedule or environment or change in atmosphere caused by arguments within the family.
Perhaps a member of the family may march out in a huff, slamming doors. This will cause stress to the
pet dog. The dog hears all the shouting and human aggression, and this can be frightening to it. Some
owners will even put their dog outside the room when they argue. Now the dog sees this a form of
punishment.
Of course, the dog in the household can have a positive influence on what is going on. It is known that
divorce can cause behavioral changes in a child, from bursts of angry rebellion to periods of deep
brooding silence. Dogs play a beneficial role, since a child can make the dog his very best friend and
confident to be hugged, cried with, and told any secret, knowing his best friend will neither pass
judgment nor tell anyone.
When a couple separate or divorce, I Always advise that the best solution is to keep the children and
dog (or dogs) together. Divorce is traumatic enough but dogs can, in fact, play a very important roll to
cope with, and express, his or her feelings. The other alternative, that of sharing a dog between two
households, rarely works, since this causes stress to the couple, the child and the dog. However, as
couples have usually provided, trained and loved the dog together, it is their responsibility to decide
what is best for it now.
HARD DECISIONS
I was once called to the home of a very nice lady who informed me that her German Shepherd dog, Rex,
had started howling and pacing. I asked the usual questions to find that she had recently separated from
her husband but they had agreed he could visit their dog every Sunday to take him to his regular agility
class. Not being a marriage counsellor I found that I was placed in the position whereby I thought it would
be in the interest of Rex to arrange to meet both the lady and her ex husband together! Meeting them
was not only a strain for them but also for me.
They both loved the dog and they both wanted him. As we could not ask the dog whom it would rather
live with. I could see that a battle "Royal" was about to develop. It took me a couple of hours to explain
the "Pack" had split and that Rex could not cope with the separation. In this particular case I managed to
convince the lady, who was at work all day, that the dog would be more settled with her ex husband since
he worked from his new home, and maybe she should consider another pet, possibly a cat.
I have found that when couples split and that one leaves the family, particularly the one that the dog
regards as "Alpha" then the consequences can be serious. In another of my cases, the husband, Tony,
left his wife and within a week their dog, a Doberman, had attacked Tony's wife so severely that she had
to spend three days in hospital to recover from bites to her leg and arm, received after trying to send the
dog to bed ! The dog is now with Tony and perfectly well behaved.
At another house that I was called to, a very nice lady explained that she had recently "lost" one of her
dogs and since then her three year old Jack Russell was house soiling. It turned out that when her
husband had split with her they had decided to take one dog each. After some further questions I
learned that her ex husbands dog was also soiling and being destructive. So, now we had two dogs that
were brought up together, very attached, trained and fed together, and suddenly separated and both
unable to cope with their lives.
After some discussion both the ex husband and ex wife agreed that the dogs should be kept together. All
the soiling and howling ceased. Although this ended up in the favour of the dogs, I have also known
couples that have separated and would not give up their pet. In these cases one can only advise them
that they can expect the related behavioural problems associated with separation.
On yet another occasion I was called to attend a six year old male Yorkshire Terrier, Bobby, who had
always been a good pet with a good nature. For no apparent reason Bobby was now showing severe
aggression, and marking in the home. When I first took the telephone call I immediately put this down to
dominant behaviour. However after a further conversation with Helen I was told that she had just
divorced her husband, James, and to be fair to Bobby, James was allowed to visit Bobby on weekends to
take him out for half a day.
I have heard of visiting rights for children but this was the first for me to learn of visiting rights for a dog!
The husband, who I eventually met was a dominant person and as far as "Yorkshire Bobby" was
concerned was the Alpha of the pack. This little Bobby was not aware of the divorce, he only knew that
his "Alpha James" came for him and that he enjoyed himself. The problem was that Bobby did not
consider Helen as a superior "animal" and was indeed correcting her, with aggression, and calling
(howling) for his Alpha. After many hours I was able to convince Helen that matters would deteriorate and
that in Helen and Bobby's best interest, the dog should go to live with James, with Helen visiting Bobby at
weekends.
MAKING NEW FRIENDS
Of course, separated or divorced people who have pets can encounter problems when they meet a new
partner. I have one particular client Rosalind, with a Maltese called Max, who will not accept her new live
in partner. Little Max has always slept on Rosalind's bed and been given every attention. Now an
"intruder" has arrived and is sleeping on Max's bed. In this case I recommended that Max be fed by her
new partner and also that he should gradually, over the period of a few weeks be removed from the bed
and placed outside the bedroom. Whilst writing this article I enquired as to Max's progress and was told
that he is "just about getting used to his new friend"!
Another couple Enid and Barry, needed some help and ideas as to why a one year old, neutered, male
Airedale and an eighteen month old female spayed Labrador were unable to get along. The dogs had
been together without any problems whilst the couple were engaged but now they were married and
living together the dogs had started to fight, both indoors and outdoors. I explained to Barry and Enid
that whilst they were not living together and were visiting each others homes (territory) most probably a
few silent growls went unnoticed. Now moving into one home, that of the Airedale, he was not going to be
put out of place, I could detect many root causes to their problems and I found that jealousy was
paramount, and that both Enid and Barry were each showing more love to "their own" pet, and that their
current arguments could, in future, lead to divorce!
In cases like this there is no set formula, other than to cool off the relationship by not allowing the dogs
the freedom of the house, keeping them away from the bedrooms, or from furniture and most certainly
never feeding them from the table. I recommended that the dogs should be fed separately and that no
toys be left lying around on the floor as this could cause a fracas, and certainly not to allow any bones or
chews in the home. It is important in cases like this to make certain that pets do not have possession to
fight over.
It is also important in cases of jealousy that owners of both cats and dogs quickly learn that it is "their"
presence that can trigger off a fight. To simply stroke or touch a dog or cat is sufficient to infect that pet
with enough of your scent to cause a fight. I also put much emphasis on the fact that when dogs growl or
indeed when cats hiss they should be never be corrected, whatever the circumstances. The animal must
learn very quickly that this verbal display will cause owners to walk away and ignore them. Any verbal
correction on the part of owners can cause more problems. Our voices actually encourages more
aggression.
Back to the subject of Divorce itself. Certainly, as far as our dog is concerned, we are a pack and a
fracas within our human pack, or a member leaving, will disturb a dog. So if your human relationship is
going through a shaky period, or worse, remember that our pet dogs are unable to ask questions or
understand what is going on, and that our personal problems can be a direct cause of behavioural
problems in our canine friends.
Commitment, Firmness, but kindness.
Brought to you by: World Wide Information Outlet - http://certificate.net/wwio/, your source of FREEWare
Content online.
Do you have any problems with your pet? Then why not send your problem to DAVID THE DOGMAN.
David is a Canine Behaviourist who works and lives in Marbella, Spain. Tel/Fax (00345) 2883388. His
web site is located at: http://www.thedogman.net. David has his own radio and TV shows, and writes for
many newspapers and magazines. David has been working with dogs for many years and started his
career in Israel, working on the Border Police. He has been involved in all forms of training, including air
sea rescue, air scent work, and has trained dogs for finding drugs. David has devoted the past 10 years
to studying behaviour and the very passive approach. He does not use choke chains, check chains, or
any form of aggression.
By David the Dogman
Divorce is a sad fact of life. These human problems can cause stress to dogs. A dog is a social animal
bonded to a family routine and a way of life, that relies on us for their mental, physical and emotional
welfare. Dogs of course are frequently denied consideration when it comes to difficulties in relationships.
When couples shout and argue with each other this will indeed affect the dog ( and also the cat). Our
blacker mood's and tantrums will have an adverse effect on our pet dog. Nervous behaviour is often
caused by the owners actions.
Whenever I Am called to a home where owners have a howling, barking, destructive, digging house
soiling or one showing symptoms of an anxiety related behaviour, where it is apparent that the dog has
an inability to cope with life, I always ask if there has been a death, separation or indeed a divorce which
could have triggered the problems as this behaviour is a typical expressions of canine anxiety.
Another extreme behaviour pattern I Have observed is dogs going to the bottom of the garden, and
staying close to walls which is often seen when a dogs instinct tells it that it is dying. In the wild dogs
leave their packs and go away to die. I always ask the owner of the house if there are any known medical
problem, if none are known and a separation has taken place then these behaviour patterns must be
considered as an expression of extreme canine anxiety.
CREATURES OF HABIT
Dogs are creatures of habit and function to our timetable -wake-up time, meal time, bedtime, playtime,
etc. Some dogs find it harder to accept a change of routine than others and especially hard for the older
dog, who more often than not will go rapidly downhill when faced with the upheaval that accompanies
divorce.
Our pet dog is a social animal, and a silent watcher, who is able to pick up our vibrations, any change in
its schedule or environment or change in atmosphere caused by arguments within the family.
Perhaps a member of the family may march out in a huff, slamming doors. This will cause stress to the
pet dog. The dog hears all the shouting and human aggression, and this can be frightening to it. Some
owners will even put their dog outside the room when they argue. Now the dog sees this a form of
punishment.
Of course, the dog in the household can have a positive influence on what is going on. It is known that
divorce can cause behavioral changes in a child, from bursts of angry rebellion to periods of deep
brooding silence. Dogs play a beneficial role, since a child can make the dog his very best friend and
confident to be hugged, cried with, and told any secret, knowing his best friend will neither pass
judgment nor tell anyone.
When a couple separate or divorce, I Always advise that the best solution is to keep the children and
dog (or dogs) together. Divorce is traumatic enough but dogs can, in fact, play a very important roll to
cope with, and express, his or her feelings. The other alternative, that of sharing a dog between two
households, rarely works, since this causes stress to the couple, the child and the dog. However, as
couples have usually provided, trained and loved the dog together, it is their responsibility to decide
what is best for it now.
HARD DECISIONS
I was once called to the home of a very nice lady who informed me that her German Shepherd dog, Rex,
had started howling and pacing. I asked the usual questions to find that she had recently separated from
her husband but they had agreed he could visit their dog every Sunday to take him to his regular agility
class. Not being a marriage counsellor I found that I was placed in the position whereby I thought it would
be in the interest of Rex to arrange to meet both the lady and her ex husband together! Meeting them
was not only a strain for them but also for me.
They both loved the dog and they both wanted him. As we could not ask the dog whom it would rather
live with. I could see that a battle "Royal" was about to develop. It took me a couple of hours to explain
the "Pack" had split and that Rex could not cope with the separation. In this particular case I managed to
convince the lady, who was at work all day, that the dog would be more settled with her ex husband since
he worked from his new home, and maybe she should consider another pet, possibly a cat.
I have found that when couples split and that one leaves the family, particularly the one that the dog
regards as "Alpha" then the consequences can be serious. In another of my cases, the husband, Tony,
left his wife and within a week their dog, a Doberman, had attacked Tony's wife so severely that she had
to spend three days in hospital to recover from bites to her leg and arm, received after trying to send the
dog to bed ! The dog is now with Tony and perfectly well behaved.
At another house that I was called to, a very nice lady explained that she had recently "lost" one of her
dogs and since then her three year old Jack Russell was house soiling. It turned out that when her
husband had split with her they had decided to take one dog each. After some further questions I
learned that her ex husbands dog was also soiling and being destructive. So, now we had two dogs that
were brought up together, very attached, trained and fed together, and suddenly separated and both
unable to cope with their lives.
After some discussion both the ex husband and ex wife agreed that the dogs should be kept together. All
the soiling and howling ceased. Although this ended up in the favour of the dogs, I have also known
couples that have separated and would not give up their pet. In these cases one can only advise them
that they can expect the related behavioural problems associated with separation.
On yet another occasion I was called to attend a six year old male Yorkshire Terrier, Bobby, who had
always been a good pet with a good nature. For no apparent reason Bobby was now showing severe
aggression, and marking in the home. When I first took the telephone call I immediately put this down to
dominant behaviour. However after a further conversation with Helen I was told that she had just
divorced her husband, James, and to be fair to Bobby, James was allowed to visit Bobby on weekends to
take him out for half a day.
I have heard of visiting rights for children but this was the first for me to learn of visiting rights for a dog!
The husband, who I eventually met was a dominant person and as far as "Yorkshire Bobby" was
concerned was the Alpha of the pack. This little Bobby was not aware of the divorce, he only knew that
his "Alpha James" came for him and that he enjoyed himself. The problem was that Bobby did not
consider Helen as a superior "animal" and was indeed correcting her, with aggression, and calling
(howling) for his Alpha. After many hours I was able to convince Helen that matters would deteriorate and
that in Helen and Bobby's best interest, the dog should go to live with James, with Helen visiting Bobby at
weekends.
MAKING NEW FRIENDS
Of course, separated or divorced people who have pets can encounter problems when they meet a new
partner. I have one particular client Rosalind, with a Maltese called Max, who will not accept her new live
in partner. Little Max has always slept on Rosalind's bed and been given every attention. Now an
"intruder" has arrived and is sleeping on Max's bed. In this case I recommended that Max be fed by her
new partner and also that he should gradually, over the period of a few weeks be removed from the bed
and placed outside the bedroom. Whilst writing this article I enquired as to Max's progress and was told
that he is "just about getting used to his new friend"!
Another couple Enid and Barry, needed some help and ideas as to why a one year old, neutered, male
Airedale and an eighteen month old female spayed Labrador were unable to get along. The dogs had
been together without any problems whilst the couple were engaged but now they were married and
living together the dogs had started to fight, both indoors and outdoors. I explained to Barry and Enid
that whilst they were not living together and were visiting each others homes (territory) most probably a
few silent growls went unnoticed. Now moving into one home, that of the Airedale, he was not going to be
put out of place, I could detect many root causes to their problems and I found that jealousy was
paramount, and that both Enid and Barry were each showing more love to "their own" pet, and that their
current arguments could, in future, lead to divorce!
In cases like this there is no set formula, other than to cool off the relationship by not allowing the dogs
the freedom of the house, keeping them away from the bedrooms, or from furniture and most certainly
never feeding them from the table. I recommended that the dogs should be fed separately and that no
toys be left lying around on the floor as this could cause a fracas, and certainly not to allow any bones or
chews in the home. It is important in cases like this to make certain that pets do not have possession to
fight over.
It is also important in cases of jealousy that owners of both cats and dogs quickly learn that it is "their"
presence that can trigger off a fight. To simply stroke or touch a dog or cat is sufficient to infect that pet
with enough of your scent to cause a fight. I also put much emphasis on the fact that when dogs growl or
indeed when cats hiss they should be never be corrected, whatever the circumstances. The animal must
learn very quickly that this verbal display will cause owners to walk away and ignore them. Any verbal
correction on the part of owners can cause more problems. Our voices actually encourages more
aggression.
Back to the subject of Divorce itself. Certainly, as far as our dog is concerned, we are a pack and a
fracas within our human pack, or a member leaving, will disturb a dog. So if your human relationship is
going through a shaky period, or worse, remember that our pet dogs are unable to ask questions or
understand what is going on, and that our personal problems can be a direct cause of behavioural
problems in our canine friends.
Commitment, Firmness, but kindness.
Brought to you by: World Wide Information Outlet - http://certificate.net/wwio/, your source of FREEWare
Content online.
Do you have any problems with your pet? Then why not send your problem to DAVID THE DOGMAN.
David is a Canine Behaviourist who works and lives in Marbella, Spain. Tel/Fax (00345) 2883388. His
web site is located at: http://www.thedogman.net. David has his own radio and TV shows, and writes for
many newspapers and magazines. David has been working with dogs for many years and started his
career in Israel, working on the Border Police. He has been involved in all forms of training, including air
sea rescue, air scent work, and has trained dogs for finding drugs. David has devoted the past 10 years
to studying behaviour and the very passive approach. He does not use choke chains, check chains, or
any form of aggression.
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